Assalammualaikum.
Of course Im insecure.Im scared,Im terrified.But oh well I take a chance,Im living
my life once,so well.Well,Fatih Seferagic is someone husband now.Well
Im looking forward for mine too.Ngahahhahha.Idk,I was in the dark for so long.
Im terrified and am afraid about so many things.Maybe Im a bit
too fragile.Well I can't deny that somehow I am afraid to trust people.Well,my trust was
broken,but well I did a lot of mistakes too.So well,it was a great lesson for me.
I really don't know what is ahead,but Im living for this moment.
Well,I've been pushing everyone away.Because Im too scared.But when I open up the door,it
is usually for the wrong ones.But again,it is okay.This is a trial,until "aku terima nikahnya".
I hate the term boyfriend,hmm I wanna use the term "tulang rusuk".Okay,mushy much!
Maybe sweetheart ?
Though I am 21,but I don't feel like one.I feel like Im still a little kid.Ngahahha.
One thing for sure,I want to be positive at my lowest.Im tired of the negativity and
the gloomy aura.Sometimes I am indeed clueless about few things.
Now,Im used at being weird.In fact I love it.Im weird,why?
Because sometimes my reality is beyond your imagination.Ngahahhahha.
I know somehow out there,there is people that have the same way of thinking as same as mine.
So whatever.
I learn a lot.I learn that,sometimes people gonna lie straight to your face no matter how much
you trust them and they act like,it didn't even matter.Some people,think that you are so strong,
that is why it doesn't even matter if they break you apart again and again as if as it is nothing.Why?
Because they look outside you,they don't even look inside you.If you are way too fragile.
Or maybe your heart is aching like so badly and maybe your hearts is in a coma state.But still,
it is hurt.Even when people claim that they are numb,I don't think it is not hurt.
Of course it still hurt,is just you get to used of those craps thing,so you act better than before.
I learn that,sometimes you have to be strong and stand by yourself but you can't simply push
people that care about you away.Because as much as you are hurting,those whose stay with you
through the storms,are the one who really cares.
I learn that some people can just simple meddling with other people's life or feelings,
and they didn't even bother to say SORRY.
I learn that,you can't simply judge people immediately.Take a time to know them better.
They might surprise you or maybe you gonna fall for them.
Sometimes,God take something/someone away from your life without you expecting it to happen.
You have to cope with it.I know it is indeed hard,but InsyaAllah,it will benefit you!
Sometimes when you at your lowest,but people still push you around like it is nothing.Maybe
because they don't know what you are feeling inside,take a deep breath and smile.And pray a lot.
Sometimes,in the ocean of millions people you feel so ALONE.Why?
Because your heart is empty.Be closer to him.
Sometimes we judge people too soon,without even looking at our flaws.
I bet if we take a time and look at our flaws,we didn't even have a time to pointed others flaws.
Sometimes,we take things and people for granted.
Well there is a lot going on.The never ending war.Sobs.The corruption,the lies.
Well,insyaAllah you can make this better.
Btw,I know my english kinda crappy,but please let me write in any language.
I currently is passionately learning Thailand.Nghahahah.Khob khun na ka :)
Btw,I forgot.Happy Eid to all the Muslims!
Im sorry if I ever hurt you okay? :')
