Look at me now?

“That was all part of giving someone a piece of your heart; they ended up taking a whole chunk of your mind and reserving it all for themselves.” 
― Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now

“I'm real. And i'm not going anywhere until you open those eyes properly and see me” 
― Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now

I wish I can say that. But am I not saying enough though? Am I not trying enough?

For a person who already fragile.I think I already gave my all.  Does it worth it?

Am i regretting, you ask? No.

But as much as you are important to me.Sometimes I do wish I am too.Or am I asking the impossible here?

It's funny I have been always trying to be all positive.When  the fact is Im full of negative 

things.I cant even brain myself.People are given two path.So I have choose mine.AND You obviously choose yours, but it seems that will the path cross in the middle?

I just wondering.That pairs of beautiful eyes.When they looking at me,does it just looking into me or through me?Being possessive.That;s not love.I learned that before.Though sometimes,

I wish I can be selfish.But what is the point forcing after all?And yeah. Now this is killing,

It's like screw it. I dont even want to think about it.Yeah right.

Maybe the thoughts of giving each part of me already breaking me up.

Then you remember that quote “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all” and you’re like, “okay, fine.”

so I guess everyone is an idiot when it comes to matters of heart. Love is the great equalizer. Whenever you feel intimidated by someone's coolness, just imagine them sobbing in their bedroom after someone broke their heart.I guarantee  it's happened.

but instead of thinking of choices, I may as well just travel. Well maybe I need some

good look at the world. Sometimes you have to walk a million new miles, and maybe that

time I wont really feel my heart drop all the time.Maybe that time Im strong enough to just smile sincerely and wishing you happiness.

Will you miss me truthfully by then I guess?

or again

.Im asking too much.

little thoughts.

Assalammualaikum.

Life is funny isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something, and feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you're lost. It is easy to lose your way, to lose direction.” 
― Cecilia Ahern Love Rosie

okay the truth is,

I need to finish my study ASAP.

so that in the future everytime I FEEL like if people are not treating me good enough.

I would just take a one way plan ticket and never going back ever.

But well as you know my fragile heart.

I will still come back to MALAYSIA I guess.

hmm Im going back to Malacca again.

to be honest.

I need a vacation.

but well.

okay trying not to be upsetting over little things.

For those who have been there through thick and thin.

You guys are the best.

Noted.

Im always thankful for you guys.

Mei Guan Xi

Im the girl who.

pretend to be strong when Im just really a cry baby.

A girl who pretend to be like a boy.

When all I want is a person to just know how fragile I am.

Im the person who always walk with crowds but I feel empty.

Im the girl who creates troubles just because Im not happy.

Im the girl who carve my pain on my hands and my body.

Im the girl who fed up with every single things.

Just because I care so much.

Im the girl who dont know how to tolerates but I'll try any way.

There's so much things.

That I cant even say.

Im the girl who being stabs so many time that I feel dead inside.

Im the girl who cant differentiate angle or devil.

Im the girl.

who accidentally.

love you with every broken pieces of mine.

despite how worst the outcomes.

Despite how cloudy the future seems to be.

Despite how broken I might be.

I just cant let go.

nor doing any u-turn.

Mei Guan Xi.

I wont let go of your hand.

I just cant.

Confession:Toxic

Assalammualaikum.

Hi.It's been a long time.No updates.

How is my life?

Rollercoaster wei.Penat.Hectic.Banyak kali juga rasa putus harapan.Rasa macam lantaklah kau.

Rasa macam iolss nak hamek je passport beli one ticket to anywhere and never coming back.

kau hado?hamboii.Tapi malaih lah.

Because what I like about this life is.Korang tak boleh give up.Iolls ni dh banyak kali.Juta-juta

nak give up.Sometimes is just tiring.But Allah is being really kind to a girl that always and

always make mistake.

But Alhamdullilah.I am getting more in love with my life.But what I would like to say is life is really

unpredictable.Korang rancang lah mcm mana pun kalau korang tak reti nak minta restu Ilahi.

It wont work well.And in my life I learned a lot about PEOPLE.

Is not Im saying Im good or what.But I do feel tired of some people of actually trying to get

advantages of me.Using me for their own good.Rasa macam blerghh.

Kadang-kadang nak husnuzon but some people getting on their selfish way that makes me like.

Urghhhh.

People always thought that well Ioss anak orang senang bagai.The truth is when actually I dont have

money I dont really like to ask my friends.And I will try my best not to even pinjam.

Even if I borrow I will always make sure that I pay back to each one of them.

And let say if I dont have money to buy it,I dont really ask people to buy it from me.

Not even my boyfriend, well if I were in a relationship.I will just kiddingly ask.Jokingly.

Because I feel like,Im not that kinda person that will like makes people buy me stuff.

Unless if you are my family.Ha ha ha.But well, my point is.

Yess I have this bad experiences with some people that actually just used me for money.

Looking back,I feel like stewpid wasting my money for those people.Like why the

heck.I could just save my money and travel rather than you know spill the money to ungrateful people.

And the funniest thing about these kind of people,is they keep using the reason
that they are from not so rich family.

Like what the heck?Come on.Even so,you should not act like that kot.

These kind of people really makes me feel disgust.Because actually money is never enough for them.

Once they get it,They want it more and more.They tend to say,they dont want to

burden their family,but have you ever though that YOU burdening me?How would you feel if you already give the money and suddenly they said they dont have enuff money and yet buying all the expensive stuff.
Like get a life?If you dont have enuff money why would you just spend the money to all those branded stuff trying to make you look good but actually pathetic.Eh tolonglah.

I just cant brain myself.

Okay enuff said.And some more about hot tempered guy.Like I really hate these kinda of guys.

Its like you are just a coward who bully women because they are not as strong as you.

get a life.and even the funniest thing is when some people told me that I dont understand them.

Because I dont really give a damn anymore about how they feel.

Its like,come on.You tore me apart.Were you even there when I need you?

I was there when you were crying?but remember you push me away when I breakdown.

Oh pleaseee.And you want my sympathy?The heck.Some people.

makes me speachless.I cannot brain myself having these kind of people approaching in mylife.

they are just selfish and I know they are not even sincere with me.And there are a lot of people actually does really nice things for me.And I should treasure that people more than some fake people.

I finally open up my eyes. and treasuring my life.

I feel much better cutting these kind of people out of my life.

Blesss.You cant mingle with people that toxicly ruinning your life.

People can make  you feel like crap but trust me walk away.Your life is fabulous.

You dont need toxic people.

wehoo Alhamdullilah.

happy.