Thursday, December 25, 2014

ต้องโทษใจมันไม่รักดี ก็มันดีแต่รักเธอ: dtaung toht jai mun mai ruk dee gor mun dee dtae ruk tur

เธอคงเบื่อใช่ไหม ที่ฉันยังอยู่รบกวนใจเธอ
Tur kong beua chai mai tee chun yung yoo rop guan jai tur

You’re probably sick of me bothering you, aren’t you?

Mah maung dtah tung tung tee tur pluk sai

I look into your eyes, even though you’re pushing me away

ฉันก็เบื่อตัวเองเหมือนกัน ที่มันไม่ยอมเมินไป
Chun gor beua dtua eng meuan gun tee mun mia yaum mern bpai

I’m sick of myself too, that I refuse to turn away

Nahn piang dai gor yung yeun yun ja ror

However long it’ll be, I’m still reassuring you that I’ll wait

(*) ไม่รับรู้อะไรทั้งนั้น ใจมันรั้นไม่ฟังเหตุผล
Mai rup roo arai tung nun jai mun run mai fung hetpon

I refuse to acknoledge it all, my heart is stubborn and won’t listen to reason

ดูแล้วเหมือนคน พูดไม่รู้เรื่องใช่ไหม
Doo laeo meuan kon poot mai roo reaung chai mai

I’ve seen it, and it’s like it doesn’t understand what people are saying, right?

(**) เธอบอกไม่รักเท่าไรเท่าไร
Tur bauk mai ruk tao rai tao rai

You tell me how much you don’t love me

Mai yaum kao jai kao jai

I refuse to understand, to understand

Glaeng hoo tuan lom mun bpai dai took tee

I pretend to turn a deaf ear every time

Dai yin kum diao ruk tur ruk tur

I can only hear one thing; “I love you,” “I love you

Mun dung yoo kahng nai nee

It’s loud inside here

ต้องโทษใจมันไม่รักดี ก็มันดีแต่รักเธอ
dtaung toht jai mun mai ruk dee gor mun dee dtae ruk tur

I must apologize that my heart is stubborn, it’s only good at loving you

รู้ว่าไม่มีหวัง ทั้งรู้ก็ยังหวังว่าจะมี
Roo wah mai mee wung tung roo gor yung wung wah ja mee

I know that I have no hope, but even though I know this, I still hope I will

Ja mee wun dai yin wah ruk suk krung

I will have some day that you’ll hear how much I love you

แม้ว่าในวันนี้ ต้องฟังเธอบอกว่าไม่มีทาง
Mae wah nai wun nee dtaung fung tur bauk wah mai mee tahng

Even though today I must listen to you tell me there’s no way

Mai bpen rai mai ao mah roo seuk tor

It’s okay, I don’t want to feel discouraged

Ruk tur

I love you

Mae wah
Even though


Monday, December 8, 2014

I won't.

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my baby at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what i got, and what i'm not
And who i am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough.
I just realize that.

After so much of confusion, I think you are still the best.
Even though sometimes you make me cry but you also try your hard to make me smile.
I was thinking deeply. Thoroughly.
And I think, I have love you.
More than I love my first love.
And I think in anyway.
You are better than him.
For him,was once the most important person in my life.
Because no one treats me goodly.
Until you happen.
I mean.
Those girls who break your heart, they are stupid.
Because I would take a bullet for someone like you.
And no kidding.
You taught me about life.
That is why in pain.
I still am  in love with you.
Despite the cloudiness of the future.
I still am in love with you Baby.

Therefore,whatever I tried to do now.
Basically is not for me.But for you.I wanna be strong enough and stable enough.
To be able to protect you from all the harm.
Even though Im just a fragile and petite person who.
Really have a lot of flaws and dont have anything to offer.
And also a spoil brat.

But still.
You have given me a reason to change.
That is why.
People may say Im blind.
Then if loving a such wonderful person like you is consider as blind.
Then I rather be blind.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Runaway Train

Call you up in the middle of the night
like a firefly without a light
you were there like a blowtorch burning
i was a key that could use a little turning
so tired that i couldn't even sleep
so many secrets i couldn't keep
promised myself i wouldn't weep
one more promise i couldn't keep

it seems no one can help me now
i'm in too deep
there's no way out
this time i have really lead myself astray

runaway train, never goin' back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere
somehow i'm neither here nor there

can you help me remember how to smile?
make it somehow all seem worthwhile
how on earth did i get so jaded?
life's mysteries seem so faded
i can go where noone else can go
i know what no one else knows
here i am just drownin' in the rain
with a ticket for a runaway train

and everything seems cut and dry
day and night
earth and sky
somehow i just don't believe it

runaway train, never goin' back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere
somehow i'm neither here nor there

bought a ticket for a runaway train
like a madman laughing at the rain
little out of touch, little insane
it's just easier than dealing with the pain

runaway train, never comin' back
runaway train, tearin' up the track
runaway train, burnin' in my veins
i run away but it always seems the same

Friday, December 5, 2014

Look at me now?

“That was all part of giving someone a piece of your heart; they ended up taking a whole chunk of your mind and reserving it all for themselves.” 
― Cecelia AhernIf You Could See Me Now

“I'm real. And i'm not going anywhere until you open those eyes properly and see me” 
― Cecelia AhernIf You Could See Me Now

I wish I can say that. But am I not saying enough though? Am I not trying enough?
For a person who already fragile.I think I already gave my all.  Does it worth it?
Am i regretting, you ask? No.
But as much as you are important to me.Sometimes I do wish I am too.Or am I asking the impossible here?
It's funny I have been always trying to be all positive.When  the fact is Im full of negative 
things.I cant even brain myself.People are given two path.So I have choose mine.AND You obviously choose yours, but it seems that will the path cross in the middle?
I just wondering.That pairs of beautiful eyes.When they looking at me,does it just looking into me or through me?Being possessive.That;s not love.I learned that before.Though sometimes,
I wish I can be selfish.But what is the point forcing after all?And yeah. Now this is killing,
It's like screw it. I dont even want to think about it.Yeah right.
Maybe the thoughts of giving each part of me already breaking me up.
Then you remember that quote “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all” and you’re like, “okay, fine.”
so I guess everyone is an idiot when it comes to matters of heart. Love is the great equalizer. Whenever you feel intimidated by someone's coolness, just imagine them sobbing in their bedroom after someone broke their heart.I guarantee  it's happened.
but instead of thinking of choices, I may as well just travel. Well maybe I need some
good look at the world. Sometimes you have to walk a million new miles, and maybe that
time I wont really feel my heart drop all the time.Maybe that time Im strong enough to just smile sincerely and wishing you happiness.
Will you miss me truthfully by then I guess?

or again
.Im asking too much.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

little thoughts.


Life is funny isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something, and feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you're lost. It is easy to lose your way, to lose direction.” 
― Cecilia Ahern Love Rosie
okay the truth is,
I need to finish my study ASAP.
so that in the future everytime I FEEL like if people are not treating me good enough.
I would just take a one way plan ticket and never going back ever.
But well as you know my fragile heart.
I will still come back to MALAYSIA I guess.
hmm Im going back to Malacca again.
to be honest.
I need a vacation.
but well.
okay trying not to be upsetting over little things.
For those who have been there through thick and thin.
You guys are the best.
Im always thankful for you guys.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Mei Guan Xi

Im the girl who.
pretend to be strong when Im just really a cry baby.
A girl who pretend to be like a boy.
When all I want is a person to just know how fragile I am.
Im the person who always walk with crowds but I feel empty.
Im the girl who creates troubles just because Im not happy.
Im the girl who carve my pain on my hands and my body.
Im the girl who fed up with every single things.
Just because I care so much.
Im the girl who dont know how to tolerates but I'll try any way.
There's so much things.
That I cant even say.
Im the girl who being stabs so many time that I feel dead inside.
Im the girl who cant differentiate angle or devil.

Im the girl.
who accidentally.
love you with every broken pieces of mine.
despite how worst the outcomes.
Despite how cloudy the future seems to be.
Despite how broken I might be.
I just cant let go.
nor doing any u-turn.

Mei Guan Xi.
I wont let go of your hand.
I just cant.

Saturday, July 26, 2014



Hi.It's been a long time.No updates.
How is my life?
Rollercoaster wei.Penat.Hectic.Banyak kali juga rasa putus harapan.Rasa macam lantaklah kau.
Rasa macam iolss nak hamek je passport beli one ticket to anywhere and never coming back.
kau hado?hamboii.Tapi malaih lah.
Because what I like about this life is.Korang tak boleh give up.Iolls ni dh banyak kali.Juta-juta
nak give up.Sometimes is just tiring.But Allah is being really kind to a girl that always and
always make mistake.
But Alhamdullilah.I am getting more in love with my life.But what I would like to say is life is really
unpredictable.Korang rancang lah mcm mana pun kalau korang tak reti nak minta restu Ilahi.
It wont work well.And in my life I learned a lot about PEOPLE.
Is not Im saying Im good or what.But I do feel tired of some people of actually trying to get
advantages of me.Using me for their own good.Rasa macam blerghh.
Kadang-kadang nak husnuzon but some people getting on their selfish way that makes me like.
People always thought that well Ioss anak orang senang bagai.The truth is when actually I dont have
money I dont really like to ask my friends.And I will try my best not to even pinjam.
Even if I borrow I will always make sure that I pay back to each one of them.
And let say if I dont have money to buy it,I dont really ask people to buy it from me.
Not even my boyfriend, well if I were in a relationship.I will just kiddingly ask.Jokingly.
Because I feel like,Im not that kinda person that will like makes people buy me stuff.
Unless if you are my family.Ha ha ha.But well, my point is.
Yess I have this bad experiences with some people that actually just used me for money.
Looking back,I feel like stewpid wasting my money for those people.Like why the
heck.I could just save my money and travel rather than you know spill the money to ungrateful people.
And the funniest thing about these kind of people,is they keep using the reason
that they are from not so rich family.
Like what the heck?Come on.Even so,you should not act like that kot.
These kind of people really makes me feel disgust.Because actually money is never enough for them.
Once they get it,They want it more and more.They tend to say,they dont want to
burden their family,but have you ever though that YOU burdening me?How would you feel if you already give the money and suddenly they said they dont have enuff money and yet buying all the expensive stuff.
Like get a life?If you dont have enuff money why would you just spend the money to all those branded stuff trying to make you look good but actually pathetic.Eh tolonglah.
I just cant brain myself.
Okay enuff said.And some more about hot tempered guy.Like I really hate these kinda of guys.
Its like you are just a coward who bully women because they are not as strong as you.
get a life.and even the funniest thing is when some people told me that I dont understand them.
Because I dont really give a damn anymore about how they feel.
Its like,come on.You tore me apart.Were you even there when I need you?
I was there when you were crying?but remember you push me away when I breakdown.
Oh pleaseee.And you want my sympathy?The heck.Some people.
makes me speachless.I cannot brain myself having these kind of people approaching in mylife.
they are just selfish and I know they are not even sincere with me.And there are a lot of people actually does really nice things for me.And I should treasure that people more than some fake people.
I finally open up my eyes. and treasuring my life.
I feel much better cutting these kind of people out of my life.
Blesss.You cant mingle with people that toxicly ruinning your life.
People can make  you feel like crap but trust me walk away.Your life is fabulous.
You dont need toxic people.
wehoo Alhamdullilah.

Friday, July 4, 2014


okay macam tak memasal letak.
gambar my love from the sky.

but hey hey.
there this person.
in case.
if he still doubting.
just wanna say.
i miss you baby.
thanks for coming back.

Monday, June 23, 2014



Dah lama kan?

I think.
Im gonna give up all the nonsense thing in my life.
a bit by a bit.
too much.
and Tuhan.
never Fail me.
Kita bukan makin lama makin muda.
kubur dh memanggil.
I just wanna settle down.
with the person.
that is unexpected one.

eh malas lah nk ckp banyak.
but well.
Allah never Fail you.
keep my faith on this line.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Started to Breathe.


You put your life into me 
When I was dead on arrival and ready to leave
You took me into your heart 
And I started to breathe 
I thought my chances were gone
 All of my bridges were burned and it wouldn’t be long
 Then you took me into your heart 
And I started to breathe
 Life goes many ways 
When you lose your direction the road can just fade
 For me I was going nowhere endlessly 
You showed me through you 
All that I ever needed was to be true 
You see 
A better me inside of me 

Alhamdullilah.things are getting better.
even if it's not.
Im glad.I don't quit after all the trials.
and chaos.
Just walk with the swag.
and I know my swag.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

what are words?


korang sihat?
dah lama tak jengah.belog dh berlapuk seh.busy.aku busy.
dan line tenet agak kurang memuaskan.okay.
aku nak update sekejap cuma.
sebab aku ada banyak gila keje yang harus dan wajiblah aku selesaikan.
life has been like roller-coaster.
memula,aku ingat aku dah nak lingkup.tapi Alhamdullilah.
Allah never fail to ease me.
at first.I thought I would probably die due to stress and disappointments.
But then.I think.what the heck?Im bless.Allah loves me.
He for sure will NEVER brings me trials that I never can over come.
And yes.I walk with swag.Though I was trembling inside at first.
but I am me.I know Im strong.
And what I learn about life is.Becareful in putting your trust to people.
because even your own blood would stab you.
Remember our Prophet Yusuf a.s? He was back stabbed by his own blood.
so don't despair.After all they are only move on.and learned.
so I would like to emphasize on my topic today.
which is.
I mean wat are words if you say it but you didn't even mean it.
ce fikir.sorrylah kalau korang rasa aku cam poyoss sangat nak guna english.
tapi sebab english aku yg poyo ni la i need to freaking use it. ha ha ha.
aku study english like almost the same aku study bm.
so i have to use it because my grammar is suck ya know!
at least korang faham lagi bahasa melayu aku.aku bm dapat B kot SPM.
hahahahha.what the fish cake kan?
takpalah.cite lama.
what are words in term of loving somebody.
korang tak leh cakap cam ni.aku suka kau.or i is loving you.bila tengah happy time je.
when you love a should be dedicated and devoted to love
that person through hard and easy times.come on we are talking about REAL LOVE!
Not some cat love/puppy love.
I mean let say,what if what if one day.the one that you love.based on only appearance.
because they are some havoc hot dude.
and that person met an accident.
and you know have disable in physical stuff like that.
will you love him the same?
of the difficulty makes you some selfish biatch?
and leave him.
because you should realize something.that person is still the same person you love.
the soul still in that body.
why am i actually stressing on this.
because based on my true experience.
I have a bestfriend.and my bestfriend  has a friend.A chinese woman who converted to Islam.
She was married to this fella.and everything was perfect.until she
was diagnosed to have cancer.Heartbreakingly the selfish bastard husband.
left her.divorce her.with their little baby.
the heck are you clarifying your love only for good times is it?
so well.
people.this life.what goes around sure comes back around.
you can say that you love a person so bad.
but if it is only for good just some rubbish that living the life.
and by the way,the wife eventually died.and my friend have to take care of the child.
but luckily his new wife is sorta kind.
and the child finally was took care by her father and step mom.
my friend have to do a regular check up so that there is nothing bad happen to the
hmmm.sad right?
i have a lot of story to share.
but whatever it is.
i gotta be strong for yourself.people can support you but you yourself need to make
up your mind and push to yourself upwards.because if you fail to do so.
this is your life.
if you don't be strong.who else will?
Trust Allah.and chill.
memang.sometimes you feel like kicking people.
because you are so hurt.I know.I lost my temper so many times you know.
you have to be strong.and believe in yourself.
people will stab you.wrong you.hurt you.prick you.but if you
give give them the reason to win.
so i dare you to not giving up.
because if you feel like you are so freaking susah.
trust me.there are so many people that living in difficult state.maybe much worst than you.
Heal your heart.with Allah and Al-Quran.
the best cure.
oh and somehow you can also search for good quotes okay.
it will fire up your spirit.

Where every single promise I'll keep
Cause what kind of human would I be
If I was to leave when you need me most

What are words
If you really don't mean the

nanti aku update lagi tahu.
sayang korang.
grammar aku berterabur.
sbb malas sangat nak ikut dan check.
hahah.sorry tahu.

Thursday, February 20, 2014



tapi entah.
aku rasa.
harap bahagia ini.
tidak sekejap cuma.
rindu aku sangat ni.
aku pun rindu Dia.
sebaik-baik tempat pergantungan itu.
adalah Allah.
maka bergantung.hanya pada Dia.
sebab perasaan indah.
yang datang bila pergantungan hanya kepada yang Hakiki itu.


The world will knock you down a 100 times, but Allah will pick you up a 1000 times.
aku ambil masa sekejap.
untuk update.maklumlah.
blog makin berhabuk.usang.
esok.aku bumi korea.
syukur.rezeki Tuhan kan.
ada yg merindu?
titip doa ye.semoga.
selamat pulang.selamat pergi.
aku tertanya.
if presence ever.actually affected people's life?
i mean touching their life.
in a good way.
if ever i touch your life.
in a bad way.
im sorry.
desperately humbly.
im asking this.
and to those yang giving me tonnes of advices.
sayang sangat.
sungguh tak terlintas.
korang nak bazirkan masa korang.
for a person like me.
speechless tahu.
you know who you ARE.
And therefore.
thank you people.
life has been great.
and im treasuring it.
ala. benda boleh settle.
 aku mula terfikir.hmmm.
rindu sangat.
sampai sini saja sekejapnya.

Friday, February 7, 2014

kau."malaikat" eh?

sampai  syurga.

ini cerita kita-kita.
Ini cerita duka.suka.perit.ranap.dan bahagia.
aku jumpa. Afri,baru aku kenal si Im (Iman) dan Ad  (Adam)
mmg benci menggunung.menyampah tahu.tak pernah terniat.terfikir.
nak kawan pon.rasa mcm ek eleh? please. mamat berlagak ni.
aku tumbuk je.
ha ha ha.
lagipon.aku masa tu anti-sosial.jangan kata nak cakap.nak jeling pon malas.
aku  masa tu zaman ranap-ranappan.
zaman sakit.zaman pilu.zaman perit.zaman jatuh.
so macam.malas-malas saja.
masa tu sekor pon kawan lelaki aku tak ada.well.sadly.aku buang semua.
for girls.pon sama.aku rasa zaman tu.zaman aku membuang kawan.
nasib ah a  few tegar.a few yang faham.aku tengah ranap. it goes.
Afri.yang aku sangka manusia  berlagak cipanzi itu.sesungguhnya.adalah.
kawan yang sangat baik tahap nak menangis.
well.aku judge muka masa tu.sebab muka si afri bila tak senyum.kelat.benci.
macam  bajet2 bagus.pfft!
well muka aku pon sama.
we met at a restaurant.di mana waktu tu aku sensorang.dia pon sama.
sebab restoran tu penuh sangat.dia boleh buat muka relax."miss,can i sit here."dgn
muka yang konon  'gila ke kau taknak duduk dgn aku'sebab.honestly.
afri ni bolehlah.hensem.(muntah) okay2.mmg hensem.kacuk pulak tu uolls.mahu tak
leleh orang sebelah aku ingat dia boyfie.walhal baru je jumpa.Masa tu aku diam je.
mcm malas nak layan.Dia boleh berdiri kat situ tengok muka aku yang mcm  hantu pucat lesi.cis cake!
tahu ah muka kau mcm model Kelvin Clein tu.amende ntah.
dahdia berdiri camtu aku  pon terpaksa.TERPAKSA!
"Duduklah."suara  bajet2 nak lempang.
lepas tu senyap.aku buat-buat main phone.dia pula.
kau tahu apa?tengok aku main phone.Dari situlah kita org kenal.
kau tahu dia buat apa.dia minta phone gua.cakap nak
call orang ambil dia.(tipu)
pastu save number dia.miscall number aku kat phone dia.
pastu leh cakap.
"now we are friend."
ha ha ha.
aku tak pernah jumpa alien mcm ni.sbb dia perasan sangat.
aku pula.benci orang yg fikir dia boleh dpt semua sekali.
so aku mmg tak layan dia.tapi Ya Ampun.
afri ni mcm tahu je aku ni zaman ranap.
afri cakap.aku ni manusia keras kepala batu.
masa tu aku dah melalak.sebab aku geram.dia tak habis kacau aku.
dan aku sebenarnya.penat.lelah.sebab aku tak suka org tahu apa yg aku rasa.
yg manusia ni pula suka kacau aku.
then.i got to know.
afri bukan anonymous.
he is actually kawan kepada kawan aku yang kami jumpa dalam
majlis kawan aku which aku mmg tak perasan muka dia.what the heck.
kau ingat aku heran pula masa tu muka cam korea ke apa.aku tengah ranap doh.
kawan aku yang bertuah tu pula blh cakap.
aku ni tak suka lelaki.(salah infomarsi.)
maksudnya.aku ni tak layan lelaki.
afri tu masa mula-mula nak test market dia aje.(ha ha ha)
after he know what happened.
dan aku tahu apa  niat dia.sebab dia bagi tahu.kita orang  pon.
kawan.walopon rasa mcm krg ajar gila kau nak mainkan aku.
tapi respect.sebab dia.sanggup bg tahu semua.even tahu aku akan lempang dia.
well.aku mmg suka tampar orang.
orang kalau tak kenal.cakap dia playboy antarabangsa.
mungkin sebab muka dia yang jambu tu.ha ha ha.
dia dah ada awek.jangan ingat aku aweknya pula.(stalker)
sebab.aku nak cakap.dalam banyak-banyak kawan.
kau tak pernah nak ungkit.tak pernah nak marah.
bila dah ada awek pon.kau cakap kalau awek kau tak suka aku.
kau putus.(vangang.)
dia tak suka aku.macam yang lebih2 korang rasa.
tapi kami.dh mcm adik beradik.masa kau ada awek.kau selalu risau dgn aku.
kau takut aku sensorang.
kau siap boleh carikan lagi.sampai si Im dgn Ad pon kau bagi sebagai calon.
sampai bila Qaish,buat aku bagai nak gila pon.Kau yang bersekang mata tunggu aku
tido.sebab kau takut aku buat benda yang hampeh.
bila aku cakap aku ni useless.
kau boleh pula bagi lists yang panjang nak gila.
hmmm.why i am not.
bila aku cakap.nanti kau tak suka aku.
kau cakap.
"aku.zaman apa je tak pernah tengok kau?
masa kau buruk,masa kau setan.masa kau comel.masa kau cantik.
semua.aku dh nampak.dan aku tak rasa kau buruk."

pastu sebab birthday aku kau xde.
kau plan nak suprise.
tapi tak jadi.sebab aku nampak hadiah make up.
the heck.takkan Iman pakai make up kan?
Iman tu manusia paling tawadduk aku pernah jumpa.
pastukau nak cover.cakap itu untuk awek manis Sarah.
what the heck ada nama aku.
ha ha ha.

nanti kau dah tak ada kat sini.
Im dan Ad cakap.
nanti aku murung.
semua nak ajet2 risau.
sebab well.tahulah aku ni camno.
walopon rasa sakit jiwa juga kau nak keje jauh.terpaksalah aku redha.
supaya hadiah untuk tahun yg depan2.
havoc. ha ha ha.okay tak.
dalam banyak2 kawan.
kau tak pernah tak suka aku.
tak pernah nak marah.
sebab tu.
aku rasa kau layak.
aku beritahu pada dunia.
kawan yg baik.
sahabat yang tak pernah meminta.
selalu ada.
pukul 5 pagi kalau aku ajet2 miscall kau dah bom phone aku.
kau ni malaikat manusia ke?cewah.
hari ni birthday kau kan.
kau ingat aku lupa.
tapi sebab aku nk bagi tahu kau.
kalau aku tak jumpa kau dulu.mesti aku tak mcm ni kan.
mesti aku tak blh senyum.
mesti aku masih ranap.
thanks brotherhood.
Mula-mula aku fikir kau lahanat.
tapi kau lh dunia akhirat sahabat.
sampai Im dgn Ad pon cakap.Kau gay!
sebab concern sangat masa depa jatuh.
lepaih tu masing-masing tahu.kau mmg manusia yg satu dlm sejuta.
25 ni.harap kau kahwin cepat.
aku nak anak sedara.
sarah pon dh tunggu.
kau jgn risau.
Tuhan dh bg jodoh aku.
mesti ada punya.
aku happy.
kau gila aku tak happy.
kawan mcm kau ni buat aku happy!


Monday, February 3, 2014



When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the pious we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide

Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide

At the curtain’s call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you've made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how
so you like me?
but im a mess.
im a wreck.
only brave people can be.
but let me tell you.
those patient.

i made them gone crazy.
because at the end of the day.
im a nerve wreck.
but they don't see.

that deep within.
i was screaming for help.
what do you expect.
im perfect with all those smile.
you don't know a thing.

maybe when you see me.
at the darkest side.
you will turn away.
i need a person.
that never leave.
 and i hate when people leave.
a person.
no matter how ruin i am.
believe that somehow.
there is still  hope.
 but never.
don't you dare ever.
im perfect. not.

so tell me now.
where is this person.
this person.
the person when.
im a fool.
im a nerve wreck.
that gonna look at me.
ass if im the purest soul in the world.

because demon maybe is my biggest enemy.
but Allah is the biggest savior.
and though.
im a wrecking soul.

i know.
is survive this fight.
so demons.
you can wreck me.
but my Allah is bigger.
that is why.
at the end of the day.
i still am.
the innocent soul.

if you can see.
there's a lot of scars.
but i survive.
tired.or what.
i will crawl.if i must.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


I shall sleep.I got a lot of things to do today.
being no so sure of things.
hurt. hell.
well i shall the best actress.
okay no so.
Sya said Im so negative.
but cannot help it.
dahlah wei.
staph perasan.
you are not worth it.
ingat tu.
you are nothing.
that is why.
you are well.
tantrums and rude.

 that bullshit feeling- when you have a lot of; simpan simpan SIMPAN pendam pendam PENDAM and you really wanna explode but you can't.

Sunday, January 26, 2014


Well.There is a lot of things happen.
I got a news that well.My so called first love gonna get married.InsyaAllah.
No.Im not jealous.Dah lama lepaskan.Harap sampai ke jannah ye.
Though a lot of people know that this fella affected my world beyond your imagination.
But I am proud of myself,that my feet can just move forward even though it takes me like 3 to 4 years to be just fine.
I don't cry anymore.I feel happy.I am okay.Instead Im great.
I think,I can used the lesson a lot.
I used to feel like,"thank you" so much to the people to contribute to
my fall down.But I was so wrong.It was a gift to be a better person.
And well,not regret.
Whatever happens,happens.
And I was thinking a lot.Hmm.I asked two of my bestfriends.
"Hey Im not a good friend.Im a very bad person indeed.Will you still wanna be my friend?"
Actually I was trying to find a friend that I can consider as my siblings.
That will not abandon me.Because I was so sick with
people that think Im strong,Im okay and bla bla.Or bashing2 bagai.(which is my ability)
okay teruk.
First bestfriend said.
"Kita dah mcm adik-beradik.Air dicincang takkan putus.Aku pun bukan baik"
second bestfriend.
"Mestilah aku nak kawan.Tugas aku untuk betulkan kau balik."
And I wass thankful.A lot.
And now I also know.We should not be busybody.Hahaha.
or over protective.Entah.
Because well,focus on yourself.
Ada banyak lagi kena betulkan.Banyak sangat koyak kat kain ni.
Nak kena tampal.
I am a negative thinker to be honest.Im just trying to be a bit positive now.Im tired of being
all negative.And my panas baran problem is really killing me.
To be honest,I am all flaws.
not flawless.
Im a person that is suffering from a major depression.
I think my sister diagnose me as bipolar.cis cake little sister.
Hey budak kecik.I hope yoou gonna finish your medic and sara aku. 
but I long we put our trust in Allah.
Semua akan baik-baik.
Tak kisahlah remuk mcm mana pon.
Allah ada plan yg lebih advance.
So,to people that I may hurt inetiontally or untentionally.
Please do forgive me with all your might.
Sebab saya dgn rendah dirinya sdg cuba memperbaiki diri sy yg sunggu tak betul ni.
harap faham ye.
terima kasih.
 so ini saja yang terkini.
rasa hati?
rahsia hati.
biar Tuhan saja yang tahu.
Dia lebih mengerti.


Saturday, January 25, 2014

Tak semestinya.

Tak semestinya.
Tak semestinya kalau dia badan 6 packs dia lurus.
Sebab aku dh jumpa yang Gay.
Tak semestinya.Bila dia lembut mcm sotong.
Dia serong.Sebab aku ada tengok yang berusaha berubah.
Siap jadi imam kite orang.Yang lelaki sejati kononnya.
Entah lesap.
Tak semestinya kalau dia nampak muka mcm playboy 
antarabangsa.Atau bahasa mudah hensem nak mampos.
Dia tu jahat.
Sebab aku ni skeptikal sangat.
Sebab dulu menyampah dgn pramugara.nurse.setiausaha.
Sebab aku kolot nak mati.Fikir dorang ni flirt dgn pegawai atasan.
Sebab.Kadang-kadang muka punyalah "angel".
Tapi  perangai lakhnatullah rupanya.
Semua depends pada diri sendiri.
Kalau benda tu jadi pada kita.Tak semestinya.
Salah kita.
Tapi Tuhan nak uji.
Dah 22 tahun ni.Bila nak matang.
Takkan lah suka2 nak judge orang.
Kawan baik pun kena pilih.Sebab I prefer a friend that
Keluarga.Best kan dapat kwn mcm ni.But from kenalan punya
story.A shock one.
She lost her bf for 6 years to her girlfriend for like 12 years or something.
It was devastated when I heard about it.
But Alhamdullilah she remain strong.
The world is not cruel.Just with people with cruel attitudes.
Entahlah.Hidup kalau tak bergantung pada Tuhan.Boleh mampos dlm jaahanam.
Ada masa mungkin aku ni selingkuh.Banyak.
Tapi true story.Tuhan sayang aku.sangat.
Bila masa hati aku dah hitam.Pekat.
Dia tak jemu bagi bantuan.
Mungkin ini a new beginning.
 Aku suka.Yang bila aku "setan".
Dorang pegang bahu aku,pujuk aku.Sebab kasih dia orang pada aku yg khilaf.
sebab they believe in me.
sebab walau bertapa bangangnya aku.
bertapa remuknya aku.
dorang ada.
tak kira banyak mana.silap.salah.
tak perlu banyak.
yang sedkit itu pun dh cukup.
 sebab dalam 10.
tak semua okay.
kalau okay.Geeewwd.Kau mmg bless.
Nak cari satu pun susah.kan?
bukan mencari yang sempurna.
tapi yang melengkap kan.


Friday, January 24, 2014


Terima kasih kepada yang blah.
tanpa kata-kata apa.
sebab manusia macam korang ni.
I found a pretty reliable people.
That stand strong behind me.
I don't respect people.
Yang say nothing when they go.
Manusia mcm ni.
Cakaplah.Hinalah.Lebih baik.
Daripada tinggalkan terkontang-kanting.
Even though.Memanglah.
Aku pun mungkin ada mcm tu.
Tapi skrg perlu lbh berani.
Dan perlu ckp dulu sebelum blah.
ini random.walopon utk kawan.
apa ingat utk relationshit je eh?cliche.
 to be continue.

Thursday, January 23, 2014


Damn, Damn, Damn,
What I'd do to have you
Here, here, here
I wish you were here.
Damn, Damn, Damn
What I'd do to have you
Near, near, near
I wish you were here.


Monday, January 20, 2014

Untuk kali ini.

Kalau aku cakap.Aku cemburu.boleh?
Aku cemburu dengan D.
Sebab.Dia yg pertama.Yang benar-benar kau kasih.
Gila aku rasa meroyan.
Memang sudah azali sifat baran.
Dan cemburu yang menggila itu sudah serasi dgn aku.
Alangkah bagusnya.Kalau.
Aku yang pertama kan?
Well.Aku kan stalker terhebat.
Walaupun rasa macam wat the hell.
Tapi nak juga tangan aku ni gatal.
Baca.nak baca juga.hmmm.
Bagusnya kalau Aku D.Kan?
Tapi Aku Ain.
Ain.Yang sebenarnya lebih dari biasa.
Biasa.Negatif biasa.
Nampak mcm garang.Tapi aku rapuh.
Sensitif nak mampos.
Mungkin.Kalau aku D.
Aku jaga kau baik-baik.
Gila.Baik itu cliche.
Aku jaga kau lebih dari aku.Lantaklah dgn jarak.
Persetankan saja.
Ada aku kisah?
Asalkan kau.Ada effort.
Aku okay.
Tapi aku Ain kan?
Bukan D.
Aku Ain.Yang ditinggalkan oleh lelaki yang aku suka nak mampos.
Dari kecik.
Meroyan bertahun-tahun.
Jadi gila sekejap.
Jatuh tergolek-golek.
Sekejap okay sekejap tak.
Bertahun juga aku nak berpijak balik di bumi nyata.
Tapi nak kata benda alah tu semua BULLSHIT.
Pon tak boleh.
Sebab,benda alah tu.
Aku rasa dah alah sangat dgn semua.
Kau tahu.
Kau selamatkan aku dua kali.
Dengan si H yang whatever.
Dgn si Q yang entah apa-apa.
Oh juga dgn si R.Yang rupanya buaya darat.(okay jahat.)
Tiga kali.
Aku nampak kau mcm kejam.
Tapi mungkin cara kau taknak aku lingkup.
Tapi kan bagus.
Kalau kau lembut.lembut.
cemburu mcm mana kau kasihkan D.
Jangan cakap pasal D.
Semua yang dinamakan.Wanita.
Tak kisahlah bertapa "jantannya" pon.
aku rasa nak tempeleng kalau dia orang 5 kaki dekat dgn kau.
Hahahah.teruk kan?

aku pernah jatuh.yang sangat jatuh.
rasa ranap.seranap-ranapnya.
pernah lingkup.selingkup-lingkupnya.
pernah dihina.sehina-hinanya.
pernah rasa macam bangkai.
pernah rasa macam baik mampos je kan?
tapi kau bagi aku nafas.
aku worth it kan?
buat aku kuat.
eleh.tak payah nak sibuk.
nak aku balik.
sbb kau.kau.dan kau.
tak kan.
sama dgn dia.
dia awan biru aku okay.
so back-off.
sebab aku dah penat.
aku bukan D.
Aku bukan yang comel-comel tu.
Yang cantik-cantik tu.
Yang bijak-bijak tu.
Yang havoc-havoc tu.
Aku yang nerd-nerd tu.
Aku yang complicated nak mampos.
Skjp okay skjp tak.
Tapi satu.
aku ada satu hati.
itu tarikh kita.
Cerita kita mula.
aku sayang kau.
sebab tu aku.
dah start mula.
nak ukir masa depan.
fikir kerja.
sebab untuk kita.
aku nak kita sampai.
walopon mcm melalut.
tapi aku cakap betul.
aku rasa blog ni je tempat yang paling best aku merapu.
kau tahu kau siapa kan.
aku bukan D.
Aku Ain.
Aku biasa-biasa.
Tapi aku mcm nak ckp dgn mak kau, "makcik.boleh simpan dia utk saya?"
sebab aku suka pipi kau yg mcm apam tu.
suka mata kau yg cakelat tu.
suka perot kau yang buncit tu.
Untuk kali ini.
kau percaya tak.
kau tu.
dah jadi pelangi hidup orang.
hidup aku.
sebab kalau kau tak ada.
aku rasa sepi.
rasa tak cukup.
maaf aku bukan D.
Tapi aku Ain.
Yang annoying tu.
Yang pendek tu.
yang comot tu.
untuk kali ini.
Kau jangan lihat tembus.
lihat aku ni.
lihat aku ada depan kau ni.
bukan invisible.

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