Runaway Train

Call you up in the middle of the night
like a firefly without a light
you were there like a blowtorch burning
i was a key that could use a little turning
so tired that i couldn't even sleep
so many secrets i couldn't keep
promised myself i wouldn't weep
one more promise i couldn't keep

it seems no one can help me now
i'm in too deep
there's no way out
this time i have really lead myself astray

runaway train, never goin' back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere
somehow i'm neither here nor there

can you help me remember how to smile?
make it somehow all seem worthwhile
how on earth did i get so jaded?
life's mysteries seem so faded
i can go where noone else can go
i know what no one else knows
here i am just drownin' in the rain
with a ticket for a runaway train

and everything seems cut and dry
day and night
earth and sky
somehow i just don't believe it

runaway train, never goin' back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere
somehow i'm neither here nor there

bought a ticket for a runaway train
like a madman laughing at the rain
little out of touch, little insane
it's just easier than dealing with the pain


runaway train, never comin' back
runaway train, tearin' up the track
runaway train, burnin' in my veins
i run away but it always seems the same

Look at me now?

“That was all part of giving someone a piece of your heart; they ended up taking a whole chunk of your mind and reserving it all for themselves.” 
― Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now

“I'm real. And i'm not going anywhere until you open those eyes properly and see me” 
― Cecelia Ahern, If You Could See Me Now

I wish I can say that. But am I not saying enough though? Am I not trying enough?

For a person who already fragile.I think I already gave my all.  Does it worth it?

Am i regretting, you ask? No.

But as much as you are important to me.Sometimes I do wish I am too.Or am I asking the impossible here?

It's funny I have been always trying to be all positive.When  the fact is Im full of negative 

things.I cant even brain myself.People are given two path.So I have choose mine.AND You obviously choose yours, but it seems that will the path cross in the middle?

I just wondering.That pairs of beautiful eyes.When they looking at me,does it just looking into me or through me?Being possessive.That;s not love.I learned that before.Though sometimes,

I wish I can be selfish.But what is the point forcing after all?And yeah. Now this is killing,

It's like screw it. I dont even want to think about it.Yeah right.

Maybe the thoughts of giving each part of me already breaking me up.

Then you remember that quote “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all” and you’re like, “okay, fine.”

so I guess everyone is an idiot when it comes to matters of heart. Love is the great equalizer. Whenever you feel intimidated by someone's coolness, just imagine them sobbing in their bedroom after someone broke their heart.I guarantee  it's happened.

but instead of thinking of choices, I may as well just travel. Well maybe I need some

good look at the world. Sometimes you have to walk a million new miles, and maybe that

time I wont really feel my heart drop all the time.Maybe that time Im strong enough to just smile sincerely and wishing you happiness.

Will you miss me truthfully by then I guess?

or again

.Im asking too much.

little thoughts.

Assalammualaikum.

Life is funny isn't it? Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something, and feel like you know what direction you're heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you're lost. It is easy to lose your way, to lose direction.” 
― Cecilia Ahern Love Rosie

okay the truth is,

I need to finish my study ASAP.

so that in the future everytime I FEEL like if people are not treating me good enough.

I would just take a one way plan ticket and never going back ever.

But well as you know my fragile heart.

I will still come back to MALAYSIA I guess.

hmm Im going back to Malacca again.

to be honest.

I need a vacation.

but well.

okay trying not to be upsetting over little things.

For those who have been there through thick and thin.

You guys are the best.

Noted.

Im always thankful for you guys.

Mei Guan Xi

Im the girl who.

pretend to be strong when Im just really a cry baby.

A girl who pretend to be like a boy.

When all I want is a person to just know how fragile I am.

Im the person who always walk with crowds but I feel empty.

Im the girl who creates troubles just because Im not happy.

Im the girl who carve my pain on my hands and my body.

Im the girl who fed up with every single things.

Just because I care so much.

Im the girl who dont know how to tolerates but I'll try any way.

There's so much things.

That I cant even say.

Im the girl who being stabs so many time that I feel dead inside.

Im the girl who cant differentiate angle or devil.

Im the girl.

who accidentally.

love you with every broken pieces of mine.

despite how worst the outcomes.

Despite how cloudy the future seems to be.

Despite how broken I might be.

I just cant let go.

nor doing any u-turn.

Mei Guan Xi.

I wont let go of your hand.

I just cant.