Sunday, July 21, 2013

Do you know that "Me" ?


Hey you,yes you.Thank you for reading,I wonder,have I ever hurt you?Well
I wanna say SORRY.I don't know if I did it intentionally or not,but you see I have an issue with myself.
Im still finding myself,Im still trying to figure out what actually is happening with my brain,heart and also life.
 You see,I am kinda weird,unpredictable,shy at times and bla bla bla.
You see,even though Im already am 21 years old,but actually please don't judge me.
It is really just a number.At times I can be like twelve or less and sometimes I can be like
mak nenek (Grandmother).Yes that is me.
You see sometimes maybe I am selfish or perhaps all the time I seems like that,but really
Im trying to find myself.I feel lost.I feel empty deep within.
I need time.I need to be close to my Creator.It feels that Im so into this dunya that 
I feel like my heart is aching so badly.And there is no one that can help me other than Allah SWT.
You see,being a person that am lacking of patience makes me feel afraid of myself.
Being an ordinary person that when I've been  tested by Allah,and I fail to cope
with the test makes me feel so small.
You see,I don't wanna pretend to be just good out sides but the insides is full of
dark sides.It is not gonna lasts long that way.You see,I've been losing myself
like countless times,but you know what?Allah never ever lose His grasp on me.
Never!And InsyaAllah I wanna it to remain like that forever.
You see,please don't mock me and say that Im pretending.Please be more understanding and supporting
instead of judging people all the time.You see this heart of mine,is being aching
and warm words could make the ache feel better.
I used to be so scared of people judgement,but you see it people,when you judge a person,
it is not good for your own self.  Because,we never know what will happen to us in
the future.We barely know,hey in fact we don't know anything.
You see,when you pointed your fingers to people,it's hurt them.
They are not scared probably,but feels sad to be treated on a disrespect way.
You see,every seconds of life is a battle.It's a battle to go to heaven or to hell.
You see,forgive and forget seems easy.But it is not.But yes,though it is hard
but InsyaAllah when time passes it will become sweeter.Because that
is when you truly forgive,because you forget.And you don't even mind to mingle with those that hurt you.
You see,Im far away than perfect.Sometimes I fall.Sometime Im tripping sometimes
I just wanna lay on my bed without doing anything.
So when that day happen,your encourage words will delighted my day even if you are
a stranger.Because maybe that stranger,that stranger has been patiently waiting to
give the words of encouragement that he/she has prepared for me along long
time ago.Because that stranger notice me,when I don't even feel like anyone notice me but Allah.
And when that moment come,I would like to say thank you.
And even though Im not the youngest in my family,but believe me
you might either assume me the youngest or the eldest.Ngahahha.
But Im actually shock when people assume me as the eldest!Hahahahha.

You see,I love to use english a lot.But just because Im using it,please believe me that
my english grammar is a crap!Im not trying to say that Im neglecting my own language,but
honestly and sincerely,seriously I express myself well when I use english.
No,English was not my favie language at first.I always like my native language.
But actually I've been learning english since I was a little.I think it is more likely almost
the same time when I learn to speak Malay I guess.
Because both of my parents are english teachers.And in addition,I have my cousins that
is half british and half malay,so of course I use manglish when I was little with them.
Ngahahah!I hate english at first,because I was a rebel.
And I don't like to the same as my dad.Hey,don't misunderstand.Im so close to my dad,
but I always do things opposite from his interest.Like he is so into english,and the literature.
But me,Im not.Im more to the malay things,not even MALAY,but Indonesian,korean,japanese,
Thailand,Vietnam,Philippine,Bollywood,Taiwan,Hong Kong,you just name it.Hahahah.
I just love all the cultures thing ya know!As long it is good,like the movie or the drama 
is so ohsem,so I feel great too!^.^
You see,Im so sensitive and emotional.But one should feel scared when Im rational.Maybe because
at that time I become a bit tough and a bit heartless.Kahkahkahkah.
Okay,being rational acquiring you to ignore what you want right?
So maybe at that time Im grown up enuff and hopefully Im not gonna cry when watching
a sad movie.Urghh,Im a cry baby no joke!Sometimes I feel like slapping my face you know?
Because just by watching a not so sad movie I will eventually cry.Wakakakak!
Such a soft sponge bob heart lah weyh!
And if you ask me what is the my favie food,it would be spaghettie!Ngahahhaha!Im so
addicted to it.But not just any spaghettie okay.Because when tehy don't suit my taste,
it just makes me feel upset!I don't even like the herbs spaghettie one okay!
For now,I find that my mom,pizza hut,and one stall in indonesian,and also my spaghettie
is the best.Wakakkakak!
Okay if you have anything to ask about me?Ngahahha.
Just ask okay.Im not gonna bite.
 Btw Alhamdullilahh.Im gonna furthering my Bachelor soon.

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